Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
643 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
USA Today: Breaking the News... of Being News
They tout 'award-winning journalism' like it's a revelation, but it's just the world's most generic homepage flex.
Sora: OpenAI's AI Video Fling Ends in Ghost Town
Viral hit that spooked Hollywood shutters after months of tumbleweeds—AI hype meets reality check.
Humans Let AI Do Their Thinking, Regret Nothing
Research reveals we're outsourcing brains to bots that confidently spew nonsense—because who needs logic anymore?
Earth Pics from Space: NASA's Greatest Hits, Vol. 47
Artemis II crew snaps 'spectacular' view we've memorized since flip phones were cool.
OpenAI Parks COO in 'Special Projects' Siberia
Brad Lightcap gets vague new gig amid exec exodus—because nothing screams 'stable genius' like reorg roulette at the AI apocalypse factory.
Meloni's MBS Oil Begathon: Euro Desperation Tour
Italy's PM jets to Saudi for emergency petrol hugs, because 'energy security' means kissing the ring of desert royals.
Coup Captain Ditches Democracy: 'Forget It!'
Burkina Faso's tank-toppled leader explains why elections are for suckers in his expert opinion.
Trump's $1.5T Defense Bonanza Amid Gutting Granny's Groceries
Because nothing screams 'America First' like more missiles and fewer Meals on Wheels.
FOX NFL Highlights: Slow-Mo Circus of Grown Men Grunting
Why we're all hypnotized by 10-second clips of dudes tripping over air
Bleacher Report's Odds Onslaught: Sports or Slot Machine?
Hold on, is this game highlights or a neon-lit bookmaker's fever dream?
7 Interviews, 2 Months, 1 Epic 'No Thanks': Hiring Gone Mad
She crushed every round—then got a rejection that had the internet yelling 'WTF, corporate?'
Charity Jacket's Pocket Bombshell: Sh*tshow Special
TikTok thrift hunter Chris hits the jackpot... of someone else's bad day in his pockets.
Charity Jacket Jackpot? More Like Pocket Poopshoot
TikTok's Chris scores thrift store steal, then unearths horror that'd make Indiana Jones nope out
USA TODAY's Dino-Leather to Death-Giggle Carousel
T-Rex handbags, funeral hysterics, and colon cancer—news feeds gone gloriously off the rails.
Divorce-to-Dream-Home in 14 Days Flat
Jessi Draper's 'new beginnings' speedrun makes Usain Bolt look like he's jogging in molasses.
Britney's Insta Family Pic: Wholesome or PR Plot Twist?
Pop icon dusts off 2008 throwback with sons—because nothing says 'reunion' like filtered nostalgia.
Kid Conquers Motocross Whoops, Experts Lose Their Minds
Cole Davies nails the bumps like a boss—because apparently that's peak athletic genius now.
Bleacher Report's 'News': Straight-Up Vegas Odds Dump
Highlights? Nah, just O/U lines and spreads that make your wallet sweat.