Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
643 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
HELLO!: Celeb Gossip as Your Daily Bread
Relationships, babies, breakups—because asteroids can wait, J-Lo's love life can't.
USA TODAY Celebs: Gossip So Hot It Needs Sunscreen
Because nothing says 'news' like which star bought a $5 coffee
Google News Serves War with Weather
Algorithms think 'Iran conflict nearing end' pairs perfectly with your 5-day forecast—um, what?
GOP's 'Path' to End Shutdown: More Hurdles Than a Bad Gym Class
Leaders unveil roadmap that's basically a treadmill to nowhere—hold on, is this Congress or Cirque du Soleil?
ESPN: Serving Ads, Not Sports, Anytime Anywhere
Because who needs highlights when you can watch 20 minutes of debate about a referee's bad haircut?
USA TODAY Sports: Where Stats Bury the Fun
Endless scores, predictions, and odds—because nothing says 'thrill' like a spreadsheet apocalypse.
ASX Risk Practices: Still in Diapers
Probe slaps Australia's stock exchange: Your compliance is a toddler. Tantrums could tank the whole market.
Artemis II: Moon Flyby, 52 Years Late
NASA flings four astronauts lunar-ward for first time since sideburns ruled. Progress or procrastination?
Director's Hot Tip: 'Suck In Your Gut, Star!'
Lili Reinhart exposes male filmmaker's between-takes belly command. Hollywood: Where 'action!' meets ab crunches.
Sahiba Bali's Zombie Scandals Rise Again
Viral video plays grave digger, unearthing Pakistan-Mahakal mess. Celebs: the gift that keeps on giving outrage.
Twitch 'E-Puppy' Sleeps in Crate, Fetches Fame
Meow Dalyn's dog life goes viral: emotional freedom via kibble and leashes. Humanity's bark is worse than its bite.
Fox News: Rage-Bait Buffet, Always Open
Breaking: Outrage over eggs, migrants, and celebs who hate America. Pull up a stool for the daily screamfest.
PK's One-Year Rebound: RHOBH Ex Trades Wives Like Cards
Talent manager's 'excited' for new flame—because nothing screams commitment like a Housewives divorce timer.
Skull-Vibes on Sale: Tech's Lamest 'Trending' News
Bone conduction headphones hit 'lowest price in months'—because that's what keeps the world spinning, apparently.
Wall Street Wagers War Ends Before Close
Trump tweets 'peace soon,' stocks spike—because nothing screams 'mission accomplished' like ignoring the rubble.
Sports Scores Trend: Games Actually Happened!
FOX Sports drops the mic with real-time numbers. Because nothing says 'breaking news' like 3-2.
FOX Sports' Scoreboard: Thrilling Numbers Await!
Because who needs drama when refreshable digits deliver peak excitement?
USA Today Sports: The Infinite Scroll of Meh
Scores, stats, odds for every sport—because nothing says excitement like a stat buffet for insomniacs