Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
636 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Featured Roast
Hillsborough Bill Finally Approved – Only 35 Years Late
MPs greenlight the law after the 1989 crush, proving government can move fast when the alternative is more paperwork.
Absurdity Audit: Tension Control Claims Cleared in Colombian Disappearance Film
Review declares impressive restraint while navigating the euphemistic expression around decades of government-linked cases.
Colombian Grief Gets Tension Control Audit
Review demonstrates impressive restraint over paramilitary disappearances that been ignored for decades
Aaron Lewis Blames Politics for Opry Blackball
The industry didn't turn its back — it just stopped pretending his act still worked.
China Recovered Reusable Rocket, Swears It’s Not Copying SpaceX
PR spin says they admire the work; reality shows they just replicated the whole damn playbook.
Nintendo’s Talking Flower Just Got Cheaper, Ego Meter Spiking
Another Mario character shilling positive affirmation while your wallet takes the real hit.
Oregon AG Rayfield Drops Documents Fight on Paramount-Warner Deal
Wanted a 60-day delay to poke around the merger. Lasted about as long as a corporate ethics seminar.
McGregor vs Holloway Rematch Livestream: Pure Fiction, Zero Belts
Watch the promotion sell a lightweight fantasy while reality stays in Washington with zero actual fights booked.
Ego Meter: $700 Portable Shower Hits Peak Delusion
Nothing screams backcountry authenticity like paying more than rent for festival hot water on demand.
CISA Built Its Incident Playbook While the Incident Was Already Happening
An agency meant to guard national cybersecurity admitted it was winging the response playbook on the fly after a contractor left passwords exposed on GitHub.
Rubio's Venezuela Grip: Manifestation of Power or Just a Mess
The secretary effectively runs another nation's resources while America calls it diplomacy.
Competition Entry Explores Abuse by Hiding in Plain Sight
Sarmiento's interview at Karlovy Vary turns childhood silence into award-season packaging with zero friction.
Brown Professor: We Cannot Choose to Become Idiots
AI cheating scandal hits Brown, and the faculty's spin is already failing harder than the students.
Absurdity Audit: 100+ Carats of Diamonds Meet $2M Birkin
Billionaire heiress drops jaw-dropping glittered haul that redefines what counts as wearable wealth.
Big Brother Cast: Rocket Science Meets Jumbotron Engineering
CBS loads Season 28 with a pickleball coach, drag alum, and other specialists whose day jobs shout 'we ran out of ideas for the competition.'
ABC to FCC: Quit Poking Around Our Editorial Independence
The network blasts the commission's investigation into The View's candidate airtime as a direct threat to newsrooms everywhere.
Netflix's Short-Form Audit Flags Publisher Partnerships
The platform now brings 2-20 minute clips from Variety and friends, because apparently long-form alone isn't awkward enough.
Emmys Book Non-Comedian Host Because Funny People Bailed
Mariska Hargitay lands the ceremony gig as the first drama performer in 18 years, proving comedy is now too expensive or too smart to touch awards shows.
Paramount Shifts Avatar Aang Film to July Crisis Slot
The PR move screams confidence while quietly admitting the October date was an optimistic fantasy.