Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
643 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Feds Warn 'Anti-Tech Extremism' Is the New Threat
Law enforcement raises the alarm on a fresh category of danger that seems to mean anyone rolling their eyes at AI hype.
England Births Audit Flags 50-Year Low on Bringing Kids
First-time mothers keep delaying while the official excuse is the world simply isn't nice enough anymore
Hormuz Audit: Supertankers Bail, Traffic Crawls to Iran-Linked Remnants
Strait chokepoint turns ghost route after big ships exit, underscoring how one nation's moves can empty the world's busiest oil lane.
ElevenLabs Licenses Stan Lee to Resurrect Marvel Cameos
An expansive exclusive deal turns the creator into AI content while PR calls it legacy preservation.
Chess Closes Early on Broadway as Michele Bails in June
The revival folds weeks ahead of schedule, confirming the whole production was basically a star-powered pop-up shop.
Texas Redistricting Forces Dems Into Ego Deathmatch
Republican-led map turns two Democratic incumbents into rivals for one congressional seat.
NASA's 'Permanent' Moon Base Starts With Hopping Toys
The agency unveiled plans featuring drones and vehicles that bounce across the lunar surface like expensive, high-tech skippy balls.
FBI Decodes How Instagram Saved Post Nabs AI Porn Creep
The agency's breakdown turns 'anonymous posting without consent' into the world's shortest detective story.
Absurdity Audit: Lindberg’s $2B Insurance Vanishing Act
Formal review finds reserves for policyholders spent on jets, mansions, and a yacht that somehow needed 214 feet of runway.
NYT: Ukraine & Iran Wars Basically Cousins Now
Drone tech and backroom deals make every battlefield feel like the same spreadsheet.
Hollywood-Approved Knicks Merch: The New Playoff Ritual
Chalamet and Jenner bicoastal their way to Cleveland while the Knicks finally clinched something real
Absurdity Audit: Trump's Physical Clears the Lowest Bar
The president undergoes a routine exam at Walter Reed and somehow gets deemed in peak form despite turning 80.
China's Spent Rocket Stages: Audit Says Orbital Shitshow Continues
Analyst declares spent stages the most dangerous debris and confirms things will only keep getting worse.
Absurdity Audit: Ceasefire Takes Direct Hits During Talks
Iranian negotiators in Doha get a masterclass in timing as strikes redefine 'violation' on the clock.
Strategists: Iran War End Won't Save You From High Yields
Hand-wringing over war-related inflation hides the longer-term drivers that already wrecked borrowing costs
Sennheiser's Momentum 5 Audit: Basically the Same Damn Headphones
Four years later, replaceable battery saves the day while everything else coasts on predecessors
TechCrunch Battlefield 200: Apply Now to Lose Quietly
Applications close May 27 for the startup visibility that mostly means your rejection gets archived with the others.
Belugas Audit Themselves In The Mirror And Still Fail The Test
The white whales crash the short, contested list of animals that supposedly recognize their own reflection.