Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
643 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
One-Quarter of Non-Iranian Tankers Trapped in Iran War Slip Free
Big Oil calls a slow trickle through a war zone 'progress' while the rest sit there hoping not to get shelled.
Gold Rallies on Trump's 'Final' Iran Determination
Markets treat another vague ceasefire tweet like a five-alarm fire drill.
Absurdity Audit: Stocks Soar on War-Ending Speculation
Record highs arrive after three months of conflict because one diplomatic rumor hit the tape.
Motorola Razr Ultra Price Cut Admits Nostalgic Gimmick Status
The 2025 model drops hard because who the hell is dropping $1,500 on a flip phone in 2026
Microsoft Copilot Audit Exposes Speed Claims as Paperwork
A formal review finds the cleaner design mostly rearranges the same promises in a neater font.
Summer House Reunion Audit Exposes Seismic Relationship Chaos
Production scrambled to catch the cast's earthquake-level fallout while Bravo counts the drama revenue.
CFTC Helps Winklevoss Twins Overturn Their Own Win
A watchdog filing to lose is like a ref begging the league to review his own perfect call.
Clarkson's Emotional Interview Spins Show Exit Into Tragedy
February reveal turns seven seasons of talk into one long PR cry for relevance
Corgi Doubles Its Valuation in Three Weeks Like Math Is Optional
The insurance tech firm just announced another $106 million raise at $2.6 billion, proving Series B rounds can apparently multiply overnight when the hype machine runs hot.
Ego Meter Explodes: Prostate Screening for Only a Few Thousand
UK advisors decide dangerous genetic variants and family history are the sole qualifiers, because why screen when you can gatekeep cancer instead.
Rivian Audit Flags Rear Suspension Snaps on R1s
Federal investigation hits previously serviced vehicles after critical component failures left owners without control.
Thiel's Argentina Escape Sends Ego Meter Into Orbit
A billionaire's right-wing beliefs and US concerns fuel the ultimate relocation flex.
Russia's Kyiv Barrage Gets Audited for Maximum Noise
Major attacks followed by warnings look convincing until you check the stalled battlefield ledger.
Google Staffer Allegedly Turns Search Trends Into $1.2M Polymarket Haul
Prosecutors drop the now-unsealed complaint and suddenly everyone wonders how many more employees are quietly cashing in.
Absurdity Audit: Hurts-Brown 'Really Good' Relationship Passes No Tests
Quarterback and receiver skip all conversations yet still clear every vibe check despite the trade noise that continues.
Nuttall: Private Credit Trading Is ‘Likely’
KKR admits the obvious after Apollo tried turning illiquid debt into a casino side bet.
Warner Bros Discovery Borrows $15 Billion to Refinance Its Own Acquisition
Media giant prices investment-grade loans in a hot market, because nothing screams stability like prepping debt before Paramount swallows you whole.
Cave Keeps Two Villagers as Rescuers Say Search Continuing
Five emerge from the flooded trap while the missing stay missing in classic rescue phrasing