Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
643 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Bungie Marathon Audit: 185 Hours Bought One Raid-Style Win
Player collected six rares, achieved the clear, and felt the weight leave their shoulders—then Bungie called it progress.
Absurdity Audit: 10k Attorneys Stage Striking Departure From Agencies
Federal legal talent bolts in record numbers, leaving administration offices hollow while advocacy groups feast on the remains.
Valve Turned Their Controller Into a One-Man Cover Band
Because nothing screams innovation like a Steam device performing Mario while the actual hardware issues sit unaddressed.
Italy's Audit Flags West Concerts as Security Risks
Authorities treat prior cancellations as proof that new shows will fail the safety test.
Art TVs Get 'Notable' Discounting While Staying Stupid Expensive
Woot spins Hisense CanvasTV and Samsung Frame as your new favorites at 40% off, because nothing exposes corporate bullshit like TVs priced like actual paintings.
Valve's Controller Performing Mario While Ignoring Actual Problems
PR calls the rumble motor a concert; reality says it's still a half-baked input device dodging its own launch failures
Meta's AI Pendant Escalates Neck-Based Paranoia
Reportedly developing hardware that tracks your every thought like a jealous ex with venture capital.
VCs Half-Kiddingly Confess AI Groupthink Frenzy
Three top investors admit they're already handing Series A checks to 19-year-olds in Francisco because everyone else is doing it.
Trump Jr Posts 'Intimate' Wedding Video No One Asked For
Bettina Anderson and the new husband serve up private ceremony footage that screams damage-control romance.
Trump Hands Coal Ash Monitoring to States
Because nothing fixes toxic leaks like letting the locals negotiate with the polluters.
Trump's $10B IRS Suit Crawls Back From the Grave
Voluntarily dismissed last week, now a judge yanks it open while the Justice Department tried to establish an ally slush fund in the background.
AI Wave Drags Dot-Com Relics Back to the Forefront
Dell, Lenovo and Nokia ride unrelenting artificial demand while calling it innovation.
NATO Slaps 'Recklessness' Label on Drone Apartment Hit
Officials condemn Russian strike on Romanian building like it's a parking ticket, not an escalation.
Judge Slaps Trump's $1.8B Fund With a Temporary Transfer Freeze
Administration claims it's all above board while the court holds the cash hostage until June arguments.
Judge Forces Kennedy Center to Ditch Trump Name in 14 Days
Board's plan to brand the building hits a legal wall while the renovation gets frozen
SEC Proposes To Axe Climate Disclosure Regulation
Auditors confirm companies won't have to disclose significant climate change risks anymore.
DOJ Now Scrutinizing Who Funded Carroll Lawsuits
Because when governmental authority gets annoyed, examining private citizens who antagonized power becomes the new normal.
Groq Begs $650M After Nvidia's $20B Not-Aqui-Hire
Chipmaker ditches hardware for inference while reportedly praying internal cash fixes the mess