Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
643 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
SpaceX's $75 Billion IPO: AI Buzzword Edition
Historic debut or just another mega-listings grab dressed up with artificial intelligence to juice the valuation.
Absurdity Audit: War 'Concluded' While Missiles Launch
Secretary assures lawmakers the cease-fire holds as Iran turns the region into target practice.
USDA Detects Flesh-Eating Fly at US-Mexico Border
Officials frame a potential screwworm breach as routine paperwork instead of the nightmare parasite scenario it actually is.
Qi2 Batteries Sell 25W Wireless Charging as Progress
New certified models magnetically snap to iPhone yet still lose to any decent cable you already own
Scorsese's AI Embrace Won't Birth the Next Goodfellas
An 83-year-old Oscar-winner joins a German tech firm and suddenly filmmaking's future is rewritten in press releases.
Partial Ceasefire: Code for 'Rockets Still Flying'
Israeli strikes and Hezbollah responses turn Monday's agreement into the world's most optimistic PR release.
Instagram Alerts Victims After AI Chatbot Hands Accounts to Hackers
Meta claims the AI-powered fix worked, yet hackers appeared to drain accounts anyway and Instagram is now 'notifying' everyone involved.
Amazon Search Now Shows Products That Don't Exist
AI images let you browse fantasy clothing and home goods while the real catalog stays empty
Morgan Stanley Flags Warsh Debut as 'Key Risk' for FX
Because one new Fed chair's first meeting 'potentially' ends consensus carry trades.
EU Plots Escape From American Tech, Forgets How Dependence Started
The union outlined a master plan for local semiconductors and cloud computing that somehow ignores two decades of happy outsourcing.
Mediterranean Shipping Takes Projectiles, Calls It Diplomacy
The company frames an Iraqi port attack as minor while negotiators pretend the Strait of Hormuz is reopening smoothly.
Venezuela Opens Electricity Sector After State Meltdown
Fifteen years of government power control ends with a quiet auction for private concessions, framed as progress.
Bitcoin's Inflation-Hedging Audit Ends in Flames
36% plunge exposes the cryptocurrency's mainstream promise as pure fantasy dressed in code
Venezuela Opens Electricity to Private Investment After Total Collapse
Fifteen years of state control produced blackouts, so now they're offering concessions like it's a generous gift instead of surrender.
Ego Meter Spikes as Grants Face Loyalty Test
Administration proposal lets officials block grants that skip cheering for Trump’s agenda
UBS Cashes In $1.5 Billion on Riskiest Debt After Swiss Pause
The bank returns to additional tier 1 capital just as Switzerland eases the rules that were supposed to tighten it.
Blue Origin Swears Its Propellant Farm Is Ready for Aggressive Return-to-Flight
The company calls its liquid hydrogen and oxygen tanks 'in good shape' while promising New Glenn flies this year.
Streaming Ego Meter Spikes on Ad-Supported Wins
Nearly half of subscribers now 'opting' for ads while execs pretend it's a feature not a surrender.