Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
643 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Bootstrapped Lectric Watches VC-Backed Startups Die
While competitors burned through millions and filed for bankruptcy, Lectric kept growing and launched three new brands anyway.
Snow's Alzheimer's 'Navigation' Is Just Corporate Speak for Hell
Ex-Channel 4 presenter 'reveals' diagnosis via film that turns tragedy into another PR victory lap.
Sulawesi Priests Audit: Five Genders, Zero Logic
Revered for their supposed earthly-celestial hotline via multiple genders, these Bugis figures face the formal absurdity review.
Admin Throws Billions at Dying Coal While Building New Plants
Absurdity audit reveals the plan to revive a decade-old corpse of an industry is pure denial theater.
Ego Meter Spikes as White House Rejoices on Jobs Data
Stronger-than-expected numbers get spun into midterm gold while the federal reserve quietly kills the party
Absurdity Audit: NASA Sheltered Astronauts in Dragon Over Leaks
Roscosmos findings force brief shelter as Russian module springs more holes than a colander in orbit.
Tribeca's Three-Year Portugal Deal Gets Audited
Exclusive extension to Avenida da Liberdade confirms the festival is spreading thin with zero new substance.
Collins Ego Meter Spikes at 10,000 Straight Votes
The Maine Republican's unbroken streak becomes a re-election flex that grows more detached with every paragraph.
Viral Horror Filmmaker Phillips Trades Clicks for WME
PR frames the SXSW bow as a launchpad; really it's a debut feature chasing agency packaging after the short blew up.
OnlyFans Divorce Audit: Cryptic Message Scores Zero
A formal review of the personality's post-split statement uncovers zero new details and maximum vagueness.
Burnham's Leadership Audited: Makerfield By-Election or Bust
Greater Manchester mayor files paperwork for a contest that demands he first win a seat most candidates treat like a booby prize.
Court Lets SEC Grab Ill-Gotten Gains Without Victim Loss
Unanimously, the justices reminded corporate wrongdoers that profits from fraud don't need a sad investor to get clawed back.
Absurdity Audit: Meta Flunks Its Own Ban Process Exam
Oversight board demands transparency after years of opaque account bans and AI determinations nobody can question.
Absurdity Audit: Hyperscalers Finally Tackle Their Water Mess
Operators swear they're fixing availability and quality while guzzling billions of gallons for AI.
Everest 'Miracle' Self-Rescue: Sherpa Found Crawling by Cleaners
Six days missing at altitude gets rebranded as divine grit while reality shows a guy dragging himself toward camp.
Dow Record Highs Mask Chipmakers' AI Retreat
Broadcom's underwhelming outlook triggers a 'rotation' that Wall Street calls strategy and everyone else calls running for the exits.
Markets Hail 'Peace' From a Ceasefire With an Asterisk
Treasuries rose as investors spun a conditional ceasefire into Iran optimism, ignoring the clashes still running in the background.
LinkedIn Ego Meter Climbs Into Influencer Territory
Celebrities and paid influencers have transformed the career-focused platform into performance art where the job is pretending the job is posting