Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
637 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Optimizer Claims Hydration Is Simple, Then Hypes the Gizmos Anyway
The newsletter dissects potions that swear they'll fix heat waves while admitting the truth is just water.
Benchmark Climbs on Fresh Pipeline Fantasy
Minister drops a proposal, stocks rally like the project already prints money instead of headaches
NHS Bribes You to Walk 30 Minutes Like It's Nobel-Worthy
Marathon a month scheme ropes in former Olympic medallist Brendan Foster to sell basic movement as achievement
World's Largest Stadium Audits Vietnam's Economy — Result: Mostly Crap
Export numbers scream success while locals stew in the frustrations of an ambitious country that built monuments instead of fixes.
Variety Ranks 2026 Horror Hits Like Backrooms as Peak Cinema
Low-budget obsession meets the usual sequel excuses in a year declared good-to-great by default.
Meta's Pocket Audit: Vibe-Coded Games, Zero Receipts
Quietly launched experimental toy turns prompt spam into 'interactive' mini-games no one asked for.
Emmy Ego Meter Hits Delusional Red as Pluribus Leads
Variety predictions turn awards ceremonies into a circle jerk of inflated hopes and Netflix power fantasies.
Private Credit's Withdrawal Requests Just Hit the Fan
Blue Owl's latest quarter shows investors treating private credit like a sinking ship with no lifeboats.
Khamenei's Delayed Funeral: Iran's Endurance Theater Bombs
Long-delayed ceremonies for the ayatollah killed at the outset expose a regime patching holes with pageantry.
Ego Meter Spikes as $26M Charity Flex Drops Pre-Wedding
Taylor and Travis announced donations to hospitals and after-school programs, proving nothing says humility like timing your generosity for maximum applause.
Treasuries Toast Weaker Jobs as Rate-Hike Dreams Die
Bad employment data gets spun as victory because it means the federal hammer might stay in the toolbox.
Google's AI Buildout Just Slurped 37% More Electricity
The balancing act on emissions is really just code for 'we'll clean it up later while the grid melts now.'
Absurdity Audit: Measuring AI's Economic Reshaping
Conflicting numbers reveal job losses already underway while other stats show growth, proving precision is optional.
Convicted Smuggler Godfather Hides Out in Leicestershire Village
The 'godfather' of French migrant camps is seeking asylum while living quietly in rural England, and the system is pretending that's normal.
SpaceX Phone Prototype Vanishes in Post-IPO Audit
Musk labels the handset-like device report utterly false, right after investors got the tour.
Bending Spoons IPOs at $18B by Minimizing Luck
Co-founders rebrand their company's habit of buying beloved internet brands on life support as elite risk management.
Krafton Audit Flags Subnautica Dispute Payout
After pushing out cofounders, Krafton settles with Unknown Worlds and hands out bonuses like a late fee on bad decisions.
Lakers Audit Flags Unprotected First-Rounders for Kessler
Future draft capital traded away to add size and Quentin Grimes in one busy afternoon.