Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
637 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Mbappé Spins 'Play Ugly' As Bold New Strategy
France's star turns a gritty round-of-16 escape into a tough-guy promise for future opponents.
Xbox's 'Ecosystem Growth' Is PR for Microsoft Disaster
The Stepback newsletter calls it essential industry insight, but it's just Microsoft spinning failure with corporate euphemisms.
China Spins Pastor Release as Trump Win After Religion Crackdown
Beijing detains then frees a pastor just in time to hand the president a headline while the crackdown keeps rolling.
Sanders Hudson Audit: Next-Gen Airpower Still Just Noise
Colonial parade jets get the full Bloomberg treatment while underscoring nothing beyond basic flight capability.
Flatbush Zombies Architect Clings to Dead BlackBerry Dreams
Erick trades Coachella stages and heavyweight collabs for keyboard nostalgia no one asked for
Martian Rock Carbon Find Keeps All Explanations Open
Biology could explain the carbon spike but other potential causes are still politely invited to the party.
Alibaba Reportedly Calls Claude High-Risk to Guard Its Own Code
Nothing screams confidence like labeling a rival AI tool 'high-risk software' before your employees get any ideas.
FIFA's 1am England-Mexico Kick-Off: Pubs Brace for Chaos
Audit exposes how reconsidered timing turns a last-16 tie into a late-night liability for everyone else.
Taylor’s Aunt Leaks ‘Intimate’ Wedding Crap Nobody Asked For
Inside the MSG spectacle, Taylor and her athlete cried on cue while 1,000 guests got PR-approved details.
Bloomberg Lets Rubenstein Grill Fake Jefferson on Legacy
An actor-interpreter channels Thomas Jefferson for one more round of founder cosplay in a suit.
Absurdity Audit: SpaceX Millenary Milestone Buries Startup Rocket Hopes
Dedicated launches pile up while one company's Electron dreams stay grounded in endless paperwork.
Trump Ego Meter Climbs With Every Presidency Comparison
The president is increasingly comparing his record while distancing from any predecessors' failures.
Amazon's Fire Tablet Quietly Swaps 3GB for 4GB
An Absurdity Audit reveals the 2023 model still trails every budget-minded rival by years.
Taylor Swift Booking Stage Time at Her Own Kelce Wedding
The singer wants to perform while legends watch, because nothing says romance like turning the vows into a setlist.
Godox C100 Audit: Transparent Screen Solves Problem No One Had
Point-and-shoot renaissance meets transparent LCD that turns viewfinding into performance art for influencers.
Skarsgard 'Stars' In Festival's Expanded Micro-Story
Karlovy Vary calls its anniversary promo an unspooling narrative and expects everyone to nod along.
Russia's Gas Lines Torch the 'Totally Normal' Wartime Story
Officials swear supply hiccups are no big deal while stunned Russians queue for fuel and wonder what decade it is
Hottest Markets Deliver Biggest Destruction Yet
Long-running audit exposes how investor enthusiasm culminated in epic wealth incineration