Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
645 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
UConn Kid's 35-Foot Buzzer Beater Defies Physics
Freshman launches Hail Mary with 0.4 seconds left—because why settle for a layup when sorcery works?
Big Tech's AI Debt Party: Trillions for Glitchy Ghosts
Borrowing like broke uncles at a casino, chasing chatbots that crash mid-sentence.
Tech's Triple Whammy: Screen Nannies, Rocket Bets, Pricier Pixels
UK slaps kid screen limits while SpaceX memes explode and Sony jacks up PS5—priorities, people?
Pyfer KOs Izzy After 'Almost Offed Myself' Bombshell
From suicidal spiral to savage knockout: UFC's fastest therapy session ever?
Elite 8 Evisceration: Brackets Meet the Woodchipper
UCLA women storm back on Duke, Michigan mulches Tennessee—your perfect bracket just filed for bankruptcy.
Reuters Biz: Global Thrills or Snooze Fest?
Promising world-shaking headlines, delivering elevator music for your inbox.
Savannah's Today Tears: Expert Cracks the Code
Why'd Guthrie bare her soul to Kotb? A 'media expert' has theories wilder than a soap opera script.
HELLO! Mag: Celeb Lives, Now With 100% More Drama Filters
Relationships! Pregnancies! Breakups! Because your feed needs more pixels of people you don't know hugging.
Lloyds' Car Loan Circus: 30K Sue for £66M Lemon Fix
Bank sells dodgy drives like candy—now the repo repo is real and it's massive.
Reuters Business: Headlines So Bland They Need IV Fluids
Global scoops from every corner... of the conference room. Pull up a chair for mergers, earnings, and existential yawn.
Tech News: Groundhog Day for Gadgets
Same phones, laptops, and hype—every site, every day. Wake us when it's actually new.
WTO's Digital Trade Rules: Consensus? Nah, Potluck Style
World traders finally agree on rules—by ditching everyone who disagrees. Peak bureaucracy hack.
Ex-Google MD's MacBook Gift Meets Dad's Box Obsession
Viral vid shows tech success crashing into practical parent logic—pure gold.
NDTV's Viral Black Hole Swallows Sanity
Breaking: Mildly weird clip trends. Cue the apocalypse sirens.
Tiger Woods: Fairway King, Freeway Flipper
Golf legend crashes harder off the course than his divorce settlement—out of jail already.
March Madness: Brackets Enter Witness Protection
NCAA tourneys ignite bracketpocalypse – because ruining your weekend with fairy tales is peak entertainment
HELLO! Magazine's Creepy Celeb Death Ticker
Scrolling past the glamour for a live feed of who's checked out—because mortality sells
Jane McDonald's 11th Album Cruises Straight to #1 – Sanity Check Needed
Eleventh time's the charm? How one cruise ship crooner just hijacked the charts while the music biz scratches its head.