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Tech Archive
188 roasts filed under Tech. Filtered archive, newest first.
Siri's Big Upgrade: 15 Years of Disastrous Bullshit
Even the most patient users get forgiven for expecting basic competence after this long.
Blink's Six-Piece Bundle: Discounted Eyes on Everything
Prime Day marks a five-pack of outdoor cameras plus doorbell down to $167 because apparently one lens wasn't paranoid enough.
Roborock Ego Meter Spikes as Q10 S5 Plus Hits Cut-Price Glory
The robovac's 'impressive' value claim escalates from casual discount to full delusion at $270.
SpaceX Alum Raises $54M on 'Untapped' Ocean Geothermal
Endurance Energy is betting investors will harness massive amounts of energy no one has actually reached yet.
Zest App Claims Receipts Are the New AI Oracle
Transaction data now powers 'real' restaurant recommendations because your frequent spots weren't obvious enough.
Absurdity Audit Slams Tech's Expensive AI Addiction
Report finds workloads could be handled by cheaper models without affecting results, rewriting the economics overnight.
Apple Swears Its AI Stays Private on Google's Servers
Running models elsewhere supposedly changes nothing about who can see what.
OpenAI IPOs While Altman's Eye-Scanning Verification Fails
The company reportedly can't generate revenue, so it's time to downsize the eyeball scanners.
OpenAI Swaps Its Talk Show Into Emmy Variety Last Minute
A tech company just discovered the nominations-round window opens in three days and decided variety sounded friendlier than whatever TBPN actually is.
Apple's watchOS 27: Siri AI Edition, Same Old Delays
Redesigned grids and fitness tweaks sell the dream while support for actual help stays on the autumn maybe-later list.
Google Hides Gemini 3.5 Upgrade Behind Enterprise Wall
NotebookLM gets antigravity and fresh Gemini flavor, but only if your company already pays the premium tax
AI Weather Revolution Audit: Just Machine Learning’s Old Limits
Formal review finds the so-called climate science revolution is mostly recycled code dressed up as salvation.
Microsoft's See-Through Green Xbox Is Peak Nostalgia Tax
Absurdity audit confirms the 25th-anniversary console sells translucent plastic like it's revolutionary engineering.
Absurdity Audit Flags IBM Breach Coverup Claims
Former cybersecurity executive turned whistleblower accuses IBM of covering up mid-2010s incidents at subsidiaries instead of disclosing them.
IBM's Breach Coverup Gets Roasted in Its Own Audit
Former cybersecurity executive turned whistleblower accuses the company of hiding subsidiary disasters like it was standard procedure.
Absurdity Audit: IBM's Breach Cover-Up Gets Formalized
A former cybersecurity executive accuses the firm of not disclosing incidents across subsidiaries in the mid-2010s.
Bootstrapped Lectric Watches VC-Backed Startups Die
While competitors burned through millions and filed for bankruptcy, Lectric kept growing and launched three new brands anyway.
Absurdity Audit: NASA Sheltered Astronauts in Dragon Over Leaks
Roscosmos findings force brief shelter as Russian module springs more holes than a colander in orbit.