Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
643 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Clockwork's Rattlecreek Grab Exposes Warner Bros Hype Machine
Park Chan-Wook's buzzy Brigands package lands at the new label after years of Cannes circling.
Sebastian Stan's Cannes Anti-Trump Rant Audited
Cannes film promo turns into presidential lecture no one asked for
Japan Flushed Billions to Save Yen, It's Still Falling
Billions spent on 'market support' while the currency keeps free-falling like nobody's watching the ledger
AI Assistants ‘Succeed’ at Drug-Retargeting by Guessing Hypotheses
PR declares basic idea generation a scientific win while real analysis stays with humans
NextEra's Dominion Grab Turns Rising Bills Into AI Fuel
The acquisition spins data center hunger as opportunity while electricity costs explode for everyone else.
Warsh’s Fed Takeover Gets Crushed by Surging Bond Yields
White House rate-cut demands clash with colleagues and a bond market that just said hell no.
NextEra’s Dominion Buy: Data Hunger Meets Your Bill
PR spins the acquisition as grid security while electricity rates climb on data center demand.
China Enlists Courts to Stop AI Job Displacement
Precedent-setting rulings promise AI can flourish without workers paying the expense.
Karpathy Ditches OpenAI for Anthropic Pre-Training Audit
The co-founder who helped build the model now shows up at the rival's lab to fix their foundation layers.
PR Spins Oil Tar Pit on Protected Persian Sanctuary
Turquoise beaches now come with free wildlife taxidermy, but don't worry, it's just a 'contained anomaly.'
Absurdity Audit: Closed-Door Greenland Negotiations
U.S. demands major role while Greenlandic officials scramble to defuse the president's seizure threats with zero leverage.
Absurdity Audit: Musk's Delayed OpenAI Suit Gets Unanimously Torched
Jury's decision lands fast and the judge immediately affirmed it, turning the whole appeal into expensive theater.
Absurdity Audit: Trump's Taiwan Freeze Hands Beijing Easy Wins
The president's willingness to ice a $14 billion arms package already lets China weigh its next moves with zero resistance
Disney's Face Scan Audit: Magic Kingdom Meets Surveillance State
A class action claims visitors are unknowingly feeding facial recognition tools at park entrances while no one reads the fine print.
Google's AI Spam Audit: Now Banning Your Sneaky Bullshit Tricks
In a shock twist, the search giant labels 'manipulation' attempts as spam—because nothing screams innovation like policing your own dumpster fire.
DOJ's Terrorism Hack: Mexicans Are the New Terrorists?
Justice Department instructs prosecutors to slap terrorism charges on Mexican officials for drug shit. Because nothing says 'War on Drugs' like rebranding cartels as al-Qaeda cosplayers.
Ego Meter: University Squad Dives into Maldives Cave for Eternal Glory
Five Italians from Genoa turn a tropical scuba jaunt into the ultimate underwater ego implosion. Delusion level: submarine.
Devil Wears Prada 2 Ego Meter Hits Runway Stratosphere
Emily Blunt's nail artist drops 'secrets' to perfection—inspired by Debbie Harry, because nothing screams high fashion like a 1980s punk icon's claws.