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Tech Archive
188 roasts filed under Tech. Filtered archive, newest first.
Meta's AI Pendant Escalates Neck-Based Paranoia
Reportedly developing hardware that tracks your every thought like a jealous ex with venture capital.
VCs Half-Kiddingly Confess AI Groupthink Frenzy
Three top investors admit they're already handing Series A checks to 19-year-olds in Francisco because everyone else is doing it.
AI Wave Drags Dot-Com Relics Back to the Forefront
Dell, Lenovo and Nokia ride unrelenting artificial demand while calling it innovation.
Groq Begs $650M After Nvidia's $20B Not-Aqui-Hire
Chipmaker ditches hardware for inference while reportedly praying internal cash fixes the mess
Motorola Razr Ultra Price Cut Admits Nostalgic Gimmick Status
The 2025 model drops hard because who the hell is dropping $1,500 on a flip phone in 2026
Microsoft Copilot Audit Exposes Speed Claims as Paperwork
A formal review finds the cleaner design mostly rearranges the same promises in a neater font.
Corgi Doubles Its Valuation in Three Weeks Like Math Is Optional
The insurance tech firm just announced another $106 million raise at $2.6 billion, proving Series B rounds can apparently multiply overnight when the hype machine runs hot.
Rivian Audit Flags Rear Suspension Snaps on R1s
Federal investigation hits previously serviced vehicles after critical component failures left owners without control.
Thiel's Argentina Escape Sends Ego Meter Into Orbit
A billionaire's right-wing beliefs and US concerns fuel the ultimate relocation flex.
Google Staffer Allegedly Turns Search Trends Into $1.2M Polymarket Haul
Prosecutors drop the now-unsealed complaint and suddenly everyone wonders how many more employees are quietly cashing in.
Feds Warn 'Anti-Tech Extremism' Is the New Threat
Law enforcement raises the alarm on a fresh category of danger that seems to mean anyone rolling their eyes at AI hype.
NASA's 'Permanent' Moon Base Starts With Hopping Toys
The agency unveiled plans featuring drones and vehicles that bounce across the lunar surface like expensive, high-tech skippy balls.
FBI Decodes How Instagram Saved Post Nabs AI Porn Creep
The agency's breakdown turns 'anonymous posting without consent' into the world's shortest detective story.
Sennheiser's Momentum 5 Audit: Basically the Same Damn Headphones
Four years later, replaceable battery saves the day while everything else coasts on predecessors
TechCrunch Battlefield 200: Apply Now to Lose Quietly
Applications close May 27 for the startup visibility that mostly means your rejection gets archived with the others.
TechCrunch's 'Early Bird Savings' Is Just a Price Hike Countdown
Register now or pay the new increased prices for Disrupt 2026 because nothing says innovation like manufactured urgency in San Francisco.
Gadgets That Make Your Adulting Feel Like a Win
TechCrunch pushes kitchen robots for stirring soup and kneading dough as proof you've nailed adulthood.
AI Executives Declare Us All Meat Computers
Philosophy's old term lands an ominous new job when cognitive science meets tech circles with zero self-awareness.