Roast Station
Tech Archive
189 roasts filed under Tech. Filtered archive, newest first.
Newsweek: In-Depth Analysis or Infinite Scroll?
Promising breaking news alerts like it's 1999, but delivering the same outrage bait everyone's already doomscrolling.
Sci-Fi Solo Act Legs Past Franchise Fizzle: 'Only' 32% Drop!
Hollywood hails a non-sequel survivor like it's the second coming of Oppenheimer. Hold up, is mediocrity the new blockbuster?
UConn Kid's 35-Foot Buzzer Beater Defies Physics
Freshman launches Hail Mary with 0.4 seconds left—because why settle for a layup when sorcery works?
Big Tech's AI Debt Party: Trillions for Glitchy Ghosts
Borrowing like broke uncles at a casino, chasing chatbots that crash mid-sentence.
Tech's Triple Whammy: Screen Nannies, Rocket Bets, Pricier Pixels
UK slaps kid screen limits while SpaceX memes explode and Sony jacks up PS5—priorities, people?
Savannah's Today Tears: Expert Cracks the Code
Why'd Guthrie bare her soul to Kotb? A 'media expert' has theories wilder than a soap opera script.
Tech News: Groundhog Day for Gadgets
Same phones, laptops, and hype—every site, every day. Wake us when it's actually new.
WTO's Digital Trade Rules: Consensus? Nah, Potluck Style
World traders finally agree on rules—by ditching everyone who disagrees. Peak bureaucracy hack.
Tiger Woods: Fairway King, Freeway Flipper
Golf legend crashes harder off the course than his divorce settlement—out of jail already.
Craig Melvin's Mom-Nap Fury: Bitcoin Bait or TV Stunt?
TMZ ransom notes and crypto tips? Morning TV just scripted its own bad thriller.
Viral Dog Escape Saga: Total AI Fabric-A-Thon
Seven kidnapped pups Houdini their way home? Nope, just pixels punking the internet.
USA Today's Tech Section Is Just Best Buy's Newsletter
Breaking: journalism discovered a 12% discount on JBL earbuds. We have a developing situation.
Tech Giants May Face Consequences, Experts Unsure What Those Are
Two jury verdicts walk into a bar. Section 230 has never been more nervous.
Iran Claims F/A-18 Kill; Jet Files Flight Plan Home
Nothing says 'direct hit' like the thing you hit flying away and finishing its shift.
The Social Network Where Failure Is Rebranded as a Journey
Where layoffs become plot twists and $40M raises are actually about resilience.
The Age of AI Has Arrived and Nobody Knows How to Code
400 commits, one working button, and a LinkedIn post calling it a 'passion project.'
Ex-Anthropic Grifters Launch $1B Ghost Startup
No product, no revenue, just another nine-figure valuation for vibes and recycled Anthropic letterhead.
Nothing CEO Says Apps Will Disappear
His company makes phones specifically designed to run apps